As enlightened as the society is and with information technology at the finger tips of almost every- one, parents still find it difficult to discuss sex with their adult children, and most youths don’t have that much clue as to what is right and what is wrong.
So, from the etiquette of the first date to how to dump a girl ‘nicely’ here is every-thing you need to know about how the opposite sex should treat a woman – and be treated by a woman.
It is impossible to 'just be friends’ after you break up with a girl. Any girl who claims she wants to do this is a coward or a liar. She just can’t handle the guilt of dumping you and wants to do it by stages. She is probably hoping she can keep you on the ‘maybe’ pile for a while, in case her new bloke or her spell of being single and fancy free, doesn’t work out, and she finds herself at a lose end on a Saturday night.
If an ex girlfriend says ‘let’s be friends’ go out with your real friends and delete her number from your phone – immediately.
Be nice to your sisters. In my experience, the men who have the most success with women tend to have sisters. They are the ones who ‘get’ women. The biggest flirts are usually brothers with lots of sisters – no matter how ordinary-looking they are.
So practise your toasting skills on your sisters! If you don’t have any, adopt one or two! One fact you need to urgently get used to is that girls like to shop.
If you don’t like it, don’t tag along. Don’t insist on joining your girlfriend because you have a few bits and pieces to pick up from the shops, only for you to stand around, huffing and puffing outside changing rooms and bleating as if she’s ruined your life.
The nurturing predator’s lust for a bargain is wired into the female DNA, so let her hunt. And if she doesn’t broadcast the cost of things, don’t ask, especially if it’s her money she’s spending. Girls have these things called hormones. Men have them too but girls’ ones are different. When you live with a woman, once a month, it may seem as if you can do nothing right. That is because you can’t. Girls’ reaction to normal life events can be excessive and skewed, but it is your job to pretend not to notice and take the blame any way. Do it quietly. Never argue, and don’t for God’s sake ever ask: “Are your hormones playing up again?” when you are being screamed at. Your girl knows she’s being irrational, just let her make it up to you in her own way. Normally, this tactic pays very- good dividends. Now the big question: Who pays? This is tricky, but if you’ve followed the advice given so far and have gotten yourself a nice, bright, independent girl, with a decent dose of self-worth, you should be ok.
On a first date, yes, you should pay. Particularly if you’ve invited her out, and you really like her. Second date, she should return the favour or you should split the bill. A girl who expects you to pay for every-thing on every- date is not worth of you. But what if you earn much more than she does? You need to agree with her what she can chip in from time to time. You’re not her personal ATM! Bathroom habits could also be a problem. An upturned toilet seat isn’t that much of a big deal to be honest. But what happens to an inconsiderate man that leaves the seat all wet? It’s no fun seating on a toilet covered in wee.
Keep an eye on that girl that your mates label a geek. The girl who seems to excel in maths and scales through all the exams might not know the latest dance steps, and thinks whiz kid is a magician’s name. She is what is known as a slow-starter. Accepted, the boys aren’t exactly falling over themselves to date her, but one day, she’s going to earn a lot of money, wear some beautiful clothes, drive a fantastic car and impress and entertain you enormously. She’s going to be sexy eventually, believe me. Get to know her now so you could reap the benefits later. There comes a time in a relationship where breaking up is inevitable. It is another one of life’s obstacles. Sometimes relationships just reach their sell-by date. Sometimes, you may meet someone you like more.
Don’t beat yourself up about it. It is rare for someone to go through life and not experience the pain of being dumped or the discomfort of ending a relationship yourself. How you navigate this minefield? however will define you as a man. Don’t cheat, or if there is an ‘overlap’ keep it very brief and discreet. Tell her face-to-face but in a place from which you can escape easily in case she turns nasty. And tell her the truth. “You’re too good for me,” is cowardly, so is: “It’s not you, it’s me.” Telling her: “I don’t want to be your boyfriend any more, I’m not happy and I don’t like you enough” is harsh, but it does the trick. Then avoid her. She will get over you more quickly if she doesn’t see you and you will avoid painful, pleading 3 am calls. Be a good time-keeper and do not accept bad time-keeping in others pleading ‘African Time’ is irresponsible. Five to ten minutes either way is acceptable, but only for a genuine reason. “I’m running late” is not a good enough excuse when you’ve been sitting in a restaurant or bar waiting for your date to arrive.
A girl who keeps you waiting for more than 15 minutes because she lost track of time, needs to be taught a lesson in manners, so leave immediately. No one ‘loses track of time’ when they’re going to meet someone they really like. Learn to cook-boiled rice or make a well prepared eba and simple meat stew will serve you well, just to prove a point you could throw something together when need be. And never wear an apron. No matter how much booze is consumed, the image of a man in a butcher’s apron, with a cooking spoon in hand, tends to get stuck in a girl’s mind. Whatever you do, don’t let go of your male friends, girls like a popular guy, and a loyal one too.
A man’s night out without your girl friend now and then is entirely acceptable and healthy, and don’t let her nag you into thinking otherwise. Just don’t come home with another woman’s phone number written on your hand. And whatever you do, don’t pay too much attention to her friends. You have no idea what trouble you’ll get into if you flirt with any of her friends. So don’t do it. Ever. Now and then, you will walk into a room and find out your girlfriend has fouled up the atmosphere. Naturally, you’re going to ask what is wrong. There will be two possible responses to this question – ‘Nothing’ or “I’m fine”. You may, understandably take her at her words and assume there is indeed nothing wrong and she is in fact fine. You could not be more wrong. These two words are actually openers in a game called: “Let’s Try To Guess What’s Wrong With Me,” and how you play this game, again, will define you as a man. Do not refuse to play. You should take the time to try to work out whatever it is you have done wrong, for you have surely done something. Discreet probing is what is required, and most definitely, not a constant badgering for an answer. Ring her best friend or closest colleague on the quiet, for surely, if someone has the full story on what a heartless, thoughtless, hopeless so-and-so you are, it is she.
Good luck with mastering this game – you will become a veteran of it over a long relationship and may become the primary player one day. Humour is also a valuable tool for thawing the atmosphere once the source has been identified – as is a box of chocolate. Now about your grooming. Clipped, filed nails – good; manicured nails, bad. Moisturiser, good; skin toning creams, bad. Lip balm, good; lip gloss, bad. Hair wax, good, tacky hair dye, bad. Deodorants; yes, yes, yes. Basically when it comes to male grooming, a girl is comfortable when it is done for practical, sociable or medicinal reasons – not just because the man wants to look prettier. If your girlfriend spots you using her mascara, your relationship will not last long enough for it to dry.
As for female grooming, women work a lot harder than men at this, but please accept that women are not perfect. Do not recoil in horror if your girlfriend occasionally lets standard slip. The fact that she trusts you with her not-yet-packaged self is a compliment. A woman’s weight is another land mine, and very few men can boast of success here. This is the only area of your relationship where I would advocate downright deceit. If a woman asks if she’s looking fat – and she is – you must never say so. “I love you just the way you are” doesn’t work either, for she could take it to mean “yes, you’re a bit of a fatty but you’re a jolly sort, so I’ll put up with it because I’m lazy to look else where.” So, lie, lie and lie again! Text, call, tweet, whatsapp or whatever it is you do about once a day. More than that feels as if you could be stalking her. Less, and a girl can feel ignored. So, strike the right balance. Any girl receiving her 15th ‘What’s up, what are you doing,’ in one evening is going to start looking for an exit strategy. By the way, hand-holding is a lovely thing. The casual, slipping of her hand in yours when strolling along is so simple, yet feels so companionable and gentlemanly. Be brave and do it in company.
Do not drop her hand in the street when you see your friends approach or she will drop you. If you take all today’s tips about how to handle your woman on board and set out to be the thoughtful, kind and considerate young man you’re meant to be, a girl will be lucky to have you in her life. But it also works both ways. Any girl not putting the same amount of effort into the relationship is not worth your time.
Do not sell yourself too cheaply. Shout It From The Roof Top (Humour) An old man stumbles into a confessional. “Father!” he shouts, “I’m an 81- year-old man and last night I made love to two 19-year-old twins!” “Well,” the priest replies, “are you married? Have you committed adultery?” “No Father,” the old may says. “My wife passed away several years ago.” “Have you remarried, my son?” asks the priest. “No, Father,” the old man replies. “You’re a Catholic?” the priest asks. “No,” the aged Lotherio replies, “I don’t believe in religion. “Well,” says the priest, “Why on earth did you feel the need to come and tell me?” “If you’d slept with two 19-year-old twins,” the old git answered, “wouldn’t you be telling everyone?”
